October 7, 2004

I am quite confused if one should use the word CELEBRATE or MOURN for a death anniversary. I would have settled for COMMEMORATE but I find it inadequate a word devoid of feelings. Anyway, today two years ago, my sister Ambel died.

Her death so sudden, it was a shock for all of us.

Even until now, I still sometimes hope that she was just abducted by aliens, or was involved in an international conspiracy that she had to be placed in an witness protection program and given a new identity and relocated somewhere faraway. I am still hoping that some outrageous reason had salvaged her from death.

During her wake, I was somehow hoping that the coffin would move, I was praying for a miracle that would bring her back to life like Lazarus. I was hoping that some movement would prove that the doctors were wrong when they declared her dead. Sa isip ko, natutulog lang sya. And when she wakes up, her smile will turn our tears from sorrow to joy.

But it never happened.

I always thought we still have time, a lot of it. I always thought we still have time to take a lot of pictures together, to exchange clothes, to quarrel, to laugh and cry our hearts out. I always thought that since we teased each other about pimples, we still had time to complain about wrinkles and varicose veins. I always thought we still have time to grow old together.

Kami na lang pala ang tatanda.

Through her death, she reminded me to use my time well. She taught me to value my time, to cherish every moment, this very moment because it may be my last second, minute, hour, day. She also taught me not to waste it on anger, on negative things.

Happy 2nd Anniversary!
May her soul rest in peace.

=)